Nude, Arrogant, & Provocative

A night of Teesing at the Crazy Horse

-Jayme Hervé

Amidst great buzz and excitement last week, I joined hordes of fans and curious onlookers to catch Dita Von Teese’s latest show. The Queen of Burlesque was completing a two week tour at Paris’ famed Crazy Horse and tickets were in high demand. For a mere 100 euros, one could rub elbows with Paris’ finest and enjoy two hours of classy debauchery.

I was curious but excited, more than anything else, to see what the big fuss was about. I knew nothing of Dita Von Teese and little of burlesque itself but her arrival was causing quite a stir in the Parisian social scene, so I eagerly jumped at the opportunity to see her perform. Upon arriving at the Crazy Horse, I immediately felt out of place. The crowd was a mishmash of the intellectual and political Parisian élite - businessmen, lawyers, doctors, and born into money philanthropists dressed to the nines, waited impatiently at the door. Coupled with an unusually high percentage of women and couples, it was safe to say these weren’t exactly the usual suspects who come to watch women strip for money.

After feeling sufficiently awkward for the next twenty or so minutes, the Crazy Horse staff permitted my entry and escorted my group to a private booth just off centre stage. Awaiting us were a couple of bottles of champagne chilled on ice; apparently scantily clad women weren’t the only thing included in the price of admission.

After much anticipation the curtains drew open and fifteen or so topless Royal British Guards greeted us. Notably absent from the troupe was the acclaimed star of the show, but the wait would only serve to build the suspense. In the meanwhile, the abnormally attractive British soldiers razzled and dazzled the audience with their curious rendition of the changing of the guard.

We enjoyed a series of short skits and strips before Ms. Teese finally graced us with her presence in her opening act “Lazy.” Donning a bright red jacket and matching corset, the demure and decorous figure took centre stage with as much as ease and grace as a golden era Hollywood starlet. Accompanied by pre-recorded dialogue, Dita playfully re-enacted the boredom of a “typical lazy Sunday.” With the help of a harem of French maids, she slowly undressed before strewing herself across the canapé and entertaining calls from would be suitors. The whole song and dance was decidedly kitsch but admiringly so. One couldn’t help but be swept away by the 1940s charm.

As silly as it may have seemed, Dita’s first act was a welcome break from the occasionally over the top theatrics of other performers. Following “Lazy,” we enjoyed a stunning array of acrobatics, mid-air splits, and unleashed sexual fury in “Jungle Fever,” “Crazy,” and “Baby Buns” respectively. Whether it was long legs, high heels, luscious bottoms, or the exotic oriental, no fetish was left out. Almost as amusing as the mesmerizing antics of our beautiful entertainers were the looks of sheer joy and delight on the faces of many an older gentleman; suddenly the crowd didn’t seem so unusual after all.

Dita’s second act had all of the charm of “Lazy” and none of the kitsch. “Teesing” featured a single window frame and one lone figure puffing away at her cigarette as she, once again, slowly undressed. After a couple of minutes spent toying with us, Dita disappeared into the darkness and the crowd erupted in eager approval. Dissatisfied with the brevity of her second act, I refrained from joining in on the fun. Girls were performing tirelessly out there, jumping through hula hoops, battling through cages, and I was supposed to be saluting two minutes of coy stripteasing? I wasn’t having any of it. Surely the star of the show could make more of an effort. Thankfully Ms. Teese did not disappoint and within an instant of the premature ovation, she returned to the spotlight full of vigour and zeal.

After a brief ten minute intermission, we were back at it again, albeit with a bit of a twist. On to centre stage stepped Romain and Slava, a pair of middle-aged, balding, ambiguously Eastern European tap dancers. Considering we had spent the last hour admiring the beauty of femininity, the twin brothers certainly had their work cut out for them. Despite facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles, it didn’t take long for the tap dancing sensations to win over the crowd. As each song progressed, we were increasingly captivated by the incredible precision and timing of their spectacular footwork, that by set’s end, the two were soaked in adulation and adoration as the crowd pleaded for multiple encores. Much to my surprise, the two brothers had stormed in and stolen the spotlight.

But Ms. Teese was not to be outdone. Following as tough an act as any, Dita unleashed her masterpiece, “La Baine Noire.” Dressed in a blue boudoir dressing robe, the star silkily sauntered around a 1920s-era black bathtub as she seductively sang, “Got to like a man who takes his time.” With each languid movement, she drew us in closer, ever so gracefully disrobing each article of clothing. She strung us along a little further before finally giving us what we wanted; as she slowly slid into the tub, the grossly enamoured crowd erupted in celebration. Ms. Teese made it unequivocally clear, who the real star of the show was.

Such is the definitive talent and charm of Dita Von Teese. She relies neither on contortion nor on trite innuendo to exude sex appeal. Rather her elegance and delicate sexual prowess set her apart to make her the bastion of the burlesque resurgence. The modern day “Betty Boop” has almost single handedly restored credibility to an art form long considered trashy or worse, obsolete.

Indeed it is all too easy to snicker at burlesque as nothing more than glorified stripping. From pole dances to caged expositions, there were certainly enough moments throughout the show to justify that argument. But Von Teese and her affection for 1930s pomp and circumstance defies conventional patronizing attitudes toward the merit of burlesque. She controls the crowd so effortlessly and convincingly that we almost lose sight of what we are witnessing. The pure joy of her performance is not confined solely to her physical beauty but rather stems from the admiration of her undeniable talent. Whether or not that transcends the world of entertainment may be debatable, but Ms. Teese emphatically proves that the art of seduction has its place on the stage. At the very least, she allows us to enjoy the sounds and delights of a bygone era.